This Isn’t New: On Memory, Mental Health, and the Boundaries That Save Us.

There’s something sacred about remembering.

Not just the good, but the truth. The patterns. Our patterns. Our ways of being and the historical fingerprints that show up in modern clothing, music, art, food, dance, conversation, and everything in between. The way that our reflection in the mirror changes, yet somehow, remains the same. The way that we have a knowledge of who was once there, yet we question the person looking back at us as we examine the lifetime of pain, experience, and triumph in their eyes. We become curious about the deep truths hidden behind their slightly awkward smile. 

Lately, I’ve found myself reading not to escape, but to ground myself. Because what’s happening in this country, in our communities, in our workplaces, in our world, isn’t new.

As I confront the anxiety of the unknown and the ramping up of dehumanizing polices, people, and rhetoric, my soul whispers steadily, “we’ve seen this before”. For those of us who live in bodies that are racialized, gendered, politicized, and policed, we remember even when the world tries to convince us to forget.

I’ve been reading about the cycles, how systems of harm evolve, rebrand, and repeat. And just as I’m soaking in that clarity, I get messages such as:

“Hey, I  would love to reconnect.” 

“I always admired your leadership.” 

“We should partner on something.”

And I pause. I breathe. I sigh…DEEPLY. 

Because some of those messages are coming from the same people and places that once:

• Questioned my credentials

• Undermined my leadership

• Weaponized my confidence

• Dehumanized me in rooms I was qualified to be in

• Smiled at me publicly and sabotaged me privately.

  
  

And now, when the tide has seemingly shifted, when equity is “on trend" and authenticity is currency, they want access. Not accountability. Access.

Mental health isn’t about breathing exercises or soft playlists. It’s about boundaries. It’s about knowing your worth. It’s about unapologetically saying no and centering your peace.  Mental health is about telling the truth about who harmed you, and choosing not to invite them back into your sacred space(s), energy, and brilliance, just because they’ve suddenly found their version of clarity.

Protecting your peace means naming what happened.

It means not gaslighting yourself into reconciliation. It means choosing healing over performance, truth over politeness, and discernment over people-pleasing.

It means that just like the ocean has a boundary called the shore, you too, must embrace the power of ‘no further’. This is one of greatest acts of self-acceptance that you can embody. 

If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s “too harsh” to keep someone (co-worker(s), family member(s), healthcare provider(s) workplace(s), etc. ) at a distance who once tried to dim your light, let me reassure you:

That boundary might be the most loving, liberating thing you do for your mental health.

Some of us are no longer available for forced reconciliation, fake allyship, or polite gaslighting. We’re booked. Unbothered. And no longer explaining ourselves to people committed to misunderstanding us.

If you felt this, you’re not alone. And if you’re living it, stay grounded, stay discerning, and stay free.

🖤

 Dr. Claire