The Hidden Cost of Composure: When Staying Calm Comes at a Price

In professional spaces, we often hear praise for those who remain calm under pressure. Phrases such as “You always seem so composed” or “You handle stress so well” are framed as compliments yet, beneath this expectation of composure lies a deeper issue that disproportionately impacts marginalized groups.

A few years ago, I found myself in a high-stakes workplace situation. A crisis was unfolding, and as a mental health practitioner, I remained calm and focused because that’s what my training prepared me to do. Yet, rather than being recognized for my ability to manage high-stress situations, I was admonished by a higher-up who believed I wasn’t taking things seriously simply because I wasn’t outwardly panicking. The fact is, my calm wasn't indifference, it was experience. That moment was a stark reminder of how workplace culture often misunderstands emotional expression. It also revealed a deeper issue: the way marginalized individuals, especially women and people of the global majority, are scrutinized and penalized for how they manage stress.

This experience isn’t unique to me. Many professionals, especially women and other marginalized individuals find themselves navigating a tightrope of emotional expectations and stereotypes in the workplace.

The Double Standard of Emotional Expression

For some, showing distress, frustration, or uncertainty can be seen as a natural response to a high-pressure situation. But for others, those same emotions are misinterpreted, weaponized, or used to reinforce harmful stereotypes:

💠 A woman who expresses doubt may be perceived as lacking confidence, reinforcing the false notion that women can’t lead. 

💠 A Black woman who voices frustration may be unfairly labeled as angry or unapproachable, regardless of her tone or intent. 

💠 A person navigating workplace stress may feel pressure to suppress their emotions entirely to avoid being seen as too much or not a team player.

This creates an impossible paradox: If we show emotion, we risk being judged. If we suppress emotion, we risk harming ourselves.

When Success Masks Struggle

Many professionals, particularly those in marginalized communities, have been conditioned to power through at all costs. We show up, perform, and excel even when we’re exhausted, anxious, or overwhelmed. Over time, this expectation leads to burnout, isolation, and a dangerous disconnect from our own emotional needs.

Our workplaces demand resilience, but they rarely offer the structural support to make well-being sustainable. Instead of asking why employees are struggling, too often the response is simply, focused on producing regardless of the impact.

When people are forced to constantly regulate their emotions to make others comfortable, the impact on mental health is profound. Studies show that chronic emotional suppression can lead to:

🔹 Increased stress and anxiety. 

🔹 Higher rates of burnout and exhaustion. 

🔹 Reduced self-expression and authenticity. 

🔹 Greater difficulty forming supportive workplace relationships.

The expectation to stay calm, suppress our humanity, and shrink ourselves to make others comfortable is not a sign of strength, it’s often a survival strategy that can come at great personal cost.

Creating Spaces Where Authenticity is Valued

Organizations must shift away from policing emotions and toward creating environments where people feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or retaliation. Leaders and colleagues must move beyond outdated ideas of professionalism that prioritize comfort over inclusivity. Cultivating psychologically honoring spaces isn’t just an ideal, it’s a necessity for well-being, engagement, and retention. This means:

✅ Addressing biases that cause certain groups to be judged unfairly for their emotions.

✅ Training leaders to recognize and challenge their biases around emotional expression. 

✅ Creating policies that support well-being instead of punishing vulnerability. 

✅ Normalizing conversations about mental health, stress, and the impact of workplace culture.

✅ Recognizing that true leadership includes emotional intelligence.

True leadership doesn’t demand resilience—it cultivates environments where resilience is neither required nor a survival mechanism.

Your Voice, Your Story, Your Experience Matters

If you've ever felt the pressure to shrink your emotions to fit into a workplace mold, you’re not alone. The expectation of pseudo-composure shouldn’t come at the expense of your well-being and humanity.

Let’s Build a Workplace That Honors Humanity

If your organization is ready to move beyond outdated expectations and build a culture that supports mental health, equity, and authentic leadership, let's connect!